Communication - Revision history

Savoundg at 20:22, 6 February 2021

2021-02-06T20:22:41Z

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	best estimate the time it will take		best estimate the time it will take

			Group curiosity: What is going on for the perso to have conversation with? Observation, Feelings, Needs

			Strategies:

			run a self-diagnostic:

			self-empathy: How am I feeling about starting the conversation?

			Am I still willing? Check inside for a "yes" or at least a willingness to try

			Expressing Honesty OFNR

			When ... I felt <feeling> because I value <need>

			Request "Would you echo that back?" or "how do you feel hearing that I said?" PAUSE

	== References ==		== References ==

Savoundg at 19:22, 6 February 2021

2021-02-06T19:22:12Z

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	Needs: I feel something because I need ...		Needs: I feel something because I need ...

			Request: Am I willing to have the conversation? Am I clear with my observations, feelings, needs?

			Or, what's keeping me from having a conversation?

			Re-frame the story into: I love it when people receive my honesty, joy and compassion

			Create a short summary of why you want to talk: I'd like to talk about the report You sent me yesterday.

			The is the first thing you will say to the person as your approach them for consent: seek consent. Sometimes, they don't want to have the conversation now. Schedule in the future,. re-check for consent. Is the time is still good for you?

			Includes:

			Your observa, intention or primary need

			best estimate the time it will take

	== References ==		== References ==

Savoundg at 19:06, 6 February 2021

2021-02-06T19:06:37Z

@@ Line 125: / Line 125: @@
 # Tell the feelings felt because those needs have been fulfilled
 Receive appreciation with the empathy you listen to someone. Receive appreciation without feeling superior or false humility but with joy to have enrich someone's life.
 == References ==

Savoundg at 02:29, 21 December 2020

2020-12-21T02:29:03Z

Show changes

Savoundg: /* References */

2020-12-20T22:34:45Z

References

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	\|-		\|-
	\|Nonviolent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg		\|Nonviolent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg
			\|-
			\|[[Nonviolent communication glossary]]
	\|}		\|}

Savoundg at 05:54, 20 December 2020

2020-12-20T05:54:37Z

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	=== Appreciation ===		=== Appreciation ===
	Compliments are positive judgments. Judgments, whether they are positive or negative, are life-alienating communication.		Compliments are positive judgments. Judgments, whether they are positive or negative, are life-alienating communication because something is expected in return. Appreciation is pure celebration of life and nothing is expected in return.

			To express appreciation to someone in NVC:
			# List the actions someone did that pleased you
			# Tell the needs that have been fulfilled by those actions
			# Tell the feelings felt because those needs have been fulfilled
			Receive appreciation with the empathy you listen to someone. Receive appreciation without feeling superior or false humility but with joy to have enrich someone's life.

	== References ==		== References ==

Savoundg at 03:36, 20 December 2020

2020-12-20T03:36:05Z

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	* Protective Use of Force: prevent injury or justice, to protect		* Protective Use of Force: prevent injury or justice, to protect
	* Punitive Use of Force: cause individuals to suffers because of their misdeeds. Punishing someone will create resistance to the change we are trying to make to them.		* Punitive Use of Force: cause individuals to suffers because of their misdeeds. Punishing someone will create resistance to the change we are trying to make to them.

			=== Appreciation ===
			Compliments are positive judgments. Judgments, whether they are positive or negative, are life-alienating communication.

	== References ==		== References ==

Savoundg at 02:18, 20 December 2020

2020-12-20T02:18:37Z

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	When angry, breath deeply, then identify judgemental thoughts. Next, identify needs behind those thoughts. Last step is to express fully the feelings with unmet thoughts.		When angry, breath deeply, then identify judgemental thoughts. Next, identify needs behind those thoughts. Last step is to express fully the feelings with unmet thoughts.

			=== Use of Force ===
			* Protective Use of Force: prevent injury or justice, to protect
			* Punitive Use of Force: cause individuals to suffers because of their misdeeds. Punishing someone will create resistance to the change we are trying to make to them.

	== References ==		== References ==
	{\| class="wikitable"		{\| class="wikitable"

Savoundg at 08:36, 19 December 2020

2020-12-19T08:36:05Z

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	=== Anger ===		=== Anger ===
	Hurting someone when angry is a way too superficial mean of expression for anger. ~~How~~ to fully ~~express~~ ourselves when angry?		Hurting someone when angry is a way too superficial mean of expression for anger. There are more powerful ways to express fully his anger.

			Others are never the cause of our anger. We are fully responsible for our anger. Others are only be the stimulus, not the cause. We are tricking ourselves by thinking of the stimulus as the cause.

			The cause of the anger is when we receive a negative message, we blame others. In our thinking, blaming others is the cause of anger. Instead of blaming others, we can connect to our needs and feelings that are not being met or to the other feelings and needs. Bringing our consciousness to ours or the other feelings and needs prevent us from feeling angry.

			Replace "I am angry because they..." by "I am angry because I am needing ..."

			When angry, breath deeply, then identify judgemental thoughts. Next, identify needs behind those thoughts. Last step is to express fully the feelings with unmet thoughts.
	== References ==		== References ==
	{\| class="wikitable"		{\| class="wikitable"

Savoundg at 06:57, 19 December 2020

2020-12-19T06:57:05Z

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	=== Connecting to ourselves ===		=== Connecting to ourselves ===
	NVC with ourselves prevents self-hate, and promotes growth. Do not say "I should ..." or "I have to...". As we do not judge by saying someone do something bad or wrong, but we rather say that what he ~~does~~ in not in harmony with our needs. The same mechanism apply to ourself, we we think we did something "bad", it is actually something that is not in harmony with our own needs. We should not "fix" the "wrong" "behavior" we had out of negative energies like shame or guilt but only out of compassion for ourselves because otherwise, our growing will be guided by self-hatred. When we connect to our needs more deeply when our behavior has not been aligned with our needs, we will feel other feelings than shame, guilt or self-hate, that disconnect with ourselves. We may feel sadness, disappointment during what we call the ''NVC mourning''. These feelings help us to connect with our unmet needs that has been stimulated by the action we now regret. After mourning, we follow with ''self-forgiveness''. Understanding what needs we were trying to meet when we did the action we now regret allows to connect empathically with that part of ourselves. This connection allows self-forgiveness.		The NVC with ourselves prevents self-hate, and promotes growth. Do not say "I should ..." or "I have to...". As we do not judge by saying someone did something bad or wrong, but we rather say that what he did is in not in harmony with our needs. The same mechanism apply to ourself, we we think we did something "bad", it is actually something that is not in harmony with our own needs. We should not try to "fix" the "wrong" "behavior" we had out of negative energies like feeling of shame or guilt but only out of compassion for ourselves because otherwise, our learning and growing will be guided by self-hatred.

			When we connect to our needs more deeply when our behavior has not been aligned with our needs, we will feel other feelings than shame, guilt or self-hate, that disconnect with ourselves. We may feel sadness, disappointment during what we call the ''NVC mourning''. These feelings help us connect with our unmet needs that has been stimulated by the action we now regret. After mourning, we follow up with ''self-forgiveness''. Understanding what needs we were trying to meet when we did the action we now regret allows to connect empathically with that part of ourselves. This connection allows self-forgiveness. Being able to connect empathically with both selves, the self that did the action we now regret because he was trying to meet unsuccessfully a specific need and the self that feels the underlying needs below the need that we did try to meet, is the path to grow.

			Cultivate self-compassion by never taking action or making a choice out of guilt, shame, fear, obligation duty should be taken out of the desire to enrich life. Be conscious for each action or choice you make, which needs does it serve.

	Replace "I had to" by "I choose to ... because ...".		Replace "I had to" by "I choose to ... because ...".
	* For money
	* For approval
	* To escape punishment
	* To avoid shame
	* to avoid guilt

			If you make a choice for the following reasons, be conscious the price you pay for it: For money, For approval, To escape punishment, To avoid shame, To avoid guilt.

			=== Anger ===
			Hurting someone when angry is a way too superficial mean of expression for anger. How to fully express ourselves when angry?
	== References ==		== References ==
	{\| class="wikitable"		{\| class="wikitable"