Negotiation

The New Rules

Getting to yes with 4 principles

1) separate the person (emotion) from the problem

2) focus on their interest (why they are asking for it) rather than on their position (what they are asking for)

3) work cooperatively to generate win-win solution

4) establish mutually-agreed standards for evaluating those possible solutions

thinking fast and slow

framing effect

prospect theory

loss aversion

Be A Mirror

Late night DJ voice

Don't Feel Their Pain, Label It

Tactical empathy

"That's right" instead of "yes"

• It seems like ...
• It sounds like ...
• It looks like ...

[silence and listen]

If they disagree with the label, "I didn't say that was what it was. I just said it seems like that."

Labelling negatives diffuses them, Labelling positives reinforces them.

Diffuse mistakes/negatives/other people's anger quickly by acknowledging them as soon as possible: "Look, I'm an asshole".

"Best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, [...], label each negative feeling and replace with solution-based thoughts"

accusation audit: list everything your counterpart could say

Beware Yes, Master No

Yes and no are often worthless.

No:

• always alters conversation
• start of the negotiation
• provides protection: protects yourself and let the counterpart more easily consider the possibilities
• frequently temporary
• sought by great negotiators

Give the adversary permission to say "no", then the negotiation environment becomes more constructive and collaborative. Letting the counterpart feel they are welcome to say no has a positive impact.

No may mean: I am not ready yet.

3 kind of yes:

• counterfeit: escape route/keep conversation going
• confirmation: innocent and no promise of action
• commitment: real deal

"Is now a bad time to talk?" that invites a No is better than "Do you have a few minutes to talk"

Sometimes, in order to get the focus of your counterpart, you need to get them say "No".

One way is to say something obviously wrong, like mislabelling his emotion or desire or you can also say something they don't want.. For instance, "you really want to leave your job". They will reply, "No".

"That's right!"

CNU has developed BCSM.

5 stages:

• active listening
• empathy
• rapport
• influence
• behavioural change

Each stage engender more trust.

Get the counterpart says "that is right" before convincing them of anything. It is generally invisible to them.

Use all tactics of active listening:

• Effective Pauses
• Minimal Encouragers: "Yes", "OK", "Uh-huh", "I see"
• Mirroring
• Labeling
• Paraphrase
• Summary: Paraphrase and Labeling that would result in a "That's right."

However, "you're right" is a disaster.

Bend the reality

Bend the reality to change your counterpart expectations.

• Do not compromise: this means you should never split the difference in order to get a win-win situation, "no deal is better than a bad deal". Indeed, compromising is easy but it never gives satisfactory result.
• Use time as an ally. Getting to know your counterpart deadline (time constraint) helps. But, you should not hide your deadline either.
• Decision-making is governed by emotion. For instance, the fairness in a negotiation does not always reflect the best economic outcome.
• Beware on the irrational reaction to unfairness

3 ways to use the fairness argument:

1) Negative use: Implicit accusation of unfairness: "We just want a fair offer"; this can trigger defensive mechanism that can be beneficial to you

2) Negative use: Direct accusation of dishonesty: "We gave you a fair offer". Reply with a mirror if you are on the other end of the accusation.

3) Positive use: Remind in the early stage of the negotiation that every offer will be fair.

Identify the emotional driver behind decision. What people really are really buying?

E.g: babysitter sells a relaxed evening not child care

The perspective of a value (e.g. $10) changes how a deal can be considered.

Certainty effect: choose sure things over probabilities, even when the probability is a better choice.

Loss aversion: take greater risk to avoid loss than to achieve gains.

1) Anchor their emotions: empathy, accusation audio, prepare for a loss, inflame their loss aversion

2) Let the counterpart makes the first offer except if you know the market really well

3) Give a price range; with an extremely high maximum anchor; instead of asking $11; ask $13-$50; They higher the maximum anchor is, the most likely they will choose the low anchor

4) Give a overestimated offer; if they counter with a lower offer; ask for a non-monetary term. Or ask for non-monetary term; if they cannot give you that they will increase their monetary offer.

5) Use odd numbers rather than round ones: it gives the illusion of a thoughtful calculation

6) Surprise with gift; they will want to repay "debts of kindness"

Create Illusion of Control

Use calibrated/open-ended questions to give the counterpart illusion of control.

Acronyms

BATNA	Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement
CNU	Crisis Negotiation Unit
BCSM	Behavioural Change Stairway Model

Quotes

• "Never be so sure about what you want"
• "If somebody is talking to you, you got something they want"
• "No deal is better than a bad deal" (p. 115)

Resources

Chris Voss: "Never Split the Difference" | Talks at Google	https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guZa7mQV1l0
How to Negotiate Your Job Offer - Prof. Deepak Malhotra	https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km2Hd_xgo9Q