Nonviolent communication glossary

NVC Process

Step	Trap
Observation	evaluation/judgment
Feelings	thoughts
Needs
Requests	demand

Identify Needs

All humans share the same basic needs that are at the root of our feelings.

"Violence is the tragic expression of unmet needs."

Autonomy	to choose one's dreams, goals, values to choose one's plan for fulfilling dreams, goals, value
Celebration	to celebrate the creation of life and dreams fulfilled to celebrate losses: loved ones, dreams, etc. (mourning)
Integrity	Authenticity, creativity, meaning, self-worth
Interdependence	Acceptance, appreciation, closeness, community, consideration, contribution to the enrichment of life (to exercise one's power by giving that which contributes to life), emotional safety, empathy, honesty (the empowering honesty that enables us to learn from our limitations), love, reassurance, respect, trust, understanding, warmth
Play	Fun, laughter
Spiritual communion	Beauty, harmony, inspiration, order, peace
Physical Nurturance	Air, food, movement, exercise, protection from life-threatening forms of life (viruses, bacteria, insects, predatory animals), rest, sexual expression, shelter, touch, water

Express Feelings

Feelings refer to specific emotions, not thoughts.

Feelings come from met or unmet needs.

We are fully responsible for our own feelings.

	Thought expressed❌	Feeling expressed ✅
that, like, as if	I feel like a failure.	I feel sad.
I, you, he/she, they, it	I feel I am useless.	I feel disappointed.
Name or nouns referring to people	I feel my boss is manipulative.	I feel apprehensive.

	Thought expressed❌	Feeling expressed ✅
What we think we are	I feel inadequate as a guitar player.	I feel disappointed in myself as a guitar player.
What we think other people are evaluating me	I feel unimportant to the people with whom I work.	I feel sad.
What we think other people understand	I feel misunderstood.	I feel anxious.
What we interpret others	I feel ignored.	I feel relief. (If we wanted to be alone.) I feel hurt. (If we wanted to be involved)

The following words describe interpretation of the action of others like ignored: abandoned, abused, attacked, betrayed, boxed-in, bullied, cheated, coerced, co-opted, cornered, diminished, distrusted, interrupted, intimidated, let, down, manipulated, misunderstood, neglected, overworked, patronized, pressured, provoked, put, down, rejected, taken, for, granted, threatened, unappreciated, unheard, unseen, unsupported, unwanted, used.

Feelings when our needs are being met

Feelings when our needs are not being met

moved, optimistic, overjoyed, overwhelmed, peaceful, perky, absorbed, adventurous, affectionate, alert, alive, amazed, amused, animated, appreciative, ardent, aroused, astonished, blissful, breathless, buoyant, calm, carefree, cheerful, comfortable, complacent, composed, concerned, confident, contented, cool, curious, dazzled, delighted, engrossed, enlivened, enthusiastic, excited, exhilarated, expansive, expectant, exultant, fascinated, free, friendly, fulfilled, glad, gleeful, glorious, glowing, good-humored, grateful, gratified, happy, helpful, hopeful, inquisitive, inspired, intense, interested, intrigued, invigorated, involved, joyous,, joyful, jubilant, keyed-up, loving, mellow, merry, mirthful, pleasant, pleased, proud, quiet, radiant, rapturous, refreshed, relaxed, relieved, satisfied, secure, sensitive, serene, spellbound, splendid, stimulated, surprised, tender, thankful, thrilled, touched, tranquil, trusting, upbeat, warm, wide-awake, wonderful, zestful, eager, ebullient, ecstatic, effervescent, elated, enchanted, encouraged, energetic

afraid, aggravated, agitated, aloof, angry, anguished, annoyed, anxious, apathetic, irate, irked, irritated, jealous, jittery, keyed-up, lazy, leery, lethargic, listless, lonely, apprehensive, aroused, ashamed, mad, mean, miserable, mopey, morose, mournful, beat, bewildered, bitter, blah, blue, bored, brokenhearted, chagrined, cold, concerned, nervous, disheartened, dismayed, displeased, disquieted, distressed, disturbed, downcast, downhearted, dull, edgy, embarrassed, embittered, exasperated, exhausted, fatigued, fearful, fidgety, forlorn, frightened, frustrated, furious, gloomy, guilty, harried, heavy, helpless, hesitant, horrible, horrified, hostile, hot, humdrum, hurt, impatient, indifferent, nettled, numb, overwhelmed, panicky, passive, perplexed, pessimistic, confused, cool, puzzled, Cross, dejected, depressed, despairing, despondent, detached, disaffected, disappointed, rancorous, reluctant, repelled, resentful, restless, sad, scared, sensitive, discouraged, disenchanted, disgruntled, shaky

Make Requests

Request should be clear, positive, concrete, with specific actions.

Will you be willing to <action that enrich my life>?

Express Anger

We are fully responsible for being angry.

We are angry because we blame others.

Step
Breath deeply
Identify judgemental thoughts
Identify needs behind those thoughts
Express fully the feelings with unmet needs

References

Nonviolent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg