Outer Child

Outer Child theory is discovered by Susan Anderson and is described in Taming Your Outer Child.

Psyche Components	Description
Inner Child (Little You)	feelings, needs, wants developed during early childhood emotional core, innocent, vulnerable, obstinate, selfish, impulsive, knee-jerk reaction Needs to be heard, honored, loved to be calmed origin of primal fears seated in the amygdala part of Freud's Id
Outer Child	acts out what the inner child feels inappropriately (e.g: quick fixes) developed later "yes but", self-rebellious, reactive behavior patterns, defense mechanisms can be self-defeating patterns manifests outwardly interferes in the internal dialog between Inner Child and Adult Self to be tamed part of Freud's Id
Adult Self (Big You)	nurture Inner Child limit/parent Outer Child achieve your goals to be strengthen Freud's ego

Outer Child

Outer Child
is excessive	spending, binge eating
is drama queen	plays the victim, the martyr, the injured underreactswhen someone steps on your toes cries as a manipulation tactic
loves distraction	makes a mess and takes time to clean-up uses projection of his shortcomings to others as a defense mechanism
is uncompromising	perfectionist but as a form of bargaining, with a vice "If I do this perfectly, I merit a reward"), if there is no reward, he is going to act out. self-spiteful: make you miserable just to punish someone else. E.g.: Outer can keep you/Adult Self heartbroken just to prove the injustice of the breakup.
is selfish	some hide this selfishness better than others defensive rather than open self-justifying rather than self-aware
loves blaming	obsessed and intolerant with other's outer children
is master of disguises	acts pure and innocent but hides his vulnerabilities really well. E.g.: he never hates asking for direction when lost. pleasing persona developed by Inner Child's fear of abandonment but only to prevent them from rejecting you hides mean or selfish actions by altruism/moral superiority/righteous indignation/benevolence can express anger by being overly passive compliance to make others think he does not want control acts and believes his own act
is demanding	is people pleasing (but expect something in return) seeks emotional salves from others cannot stand waiting always seeking for love insurance. E.g. Outer chases after someone and becomes his "caretaker" in hopes of becoming so valuable he will never leave.
wants it and now	wants to skip the work and directly gets the benefits
loves the getting, not having	loves pursuing challenging lovers and thinks unavailable people are attractive but this goes against what Inner Child wants
Is about surface	attracted to form rather than substance, attracted to status, beauty rather than integrity and kindness
thinks it is my way or no way	thinks he is never wrong keeps endless protests against reality he does not want to accepts believes are for everyone else and obeys rules only not to get caught up believes what it wants to believe

Separation Therapy

Separate feelings (Inner Child) from behaviors (Outer Child) by giving a voice to those three parts of the psyche by writing letters to the outer child and dialogs between the becoming Adult Self and the inner child.

Letters to the Outer Child

• List your goals: "My goals are: ..."
• List what interferes with you goals: "My goal is ... and my Outer Child interferes by ..."
• List behaviours you would like to perform to help reach your goals: "My goal is ... and here what I would like to do to reach my goal: ..."

Dialog between the Adult Self and the Inner Child

• List what you feel about your goals: "My goal is ... and I have not reached it yet. My Inner Child feels the following ways about it: ..."