Attachment theory

Attachment theory is a psychological theory developed by John Bowlby.

In the first years of life, infants are designed (biologically hardwired) for their survival to rely on someone, called the caregiver. They may have multiple caregivers.

Mental models are beliefs of what you can expect from close relationships. Those expectations are extracted from the first two years of life.

An attachment figure is defined as a caregiver that provides those three main functions:

• proximity maintenance: the caregiver should provide safety and comfort
• secure base: place from which the infant can explore the world; for an adult, a place where he feels safe to take risks in order to achieve his goals
• safe haven: place to come back when things get scary or dangerous for an infant; a source of protection and support for an adult

A true attachment figure has the following additional criteria:

• threat of separation should cause anxiety
• loss of the attachment figure should cause grief

There are multiple types of attachment styles:

• secure
  • A secure child trusts the caregiver will meet his needs. It happens when the caregiver responds appropriately or consistently to the child needs.
  • A secure adult is resilient in face of setbacks, has high self-esteem, able to communicate his own needs, comfortable with intimacy, tends to trust others and have stable long-term relationships.
• insecure anxious
  • An insecure anxious child is unsure the caregiver will meet his needs. It happens when the caregiver responds inappropriately or inconsistently to the child needs.
  • An insecure anxious adult craves high level of intimacy, approval, responsiveness from relationship partners but has difficulty trusting them and seeks constant reassurance.
• insecure avoidant
  • An insecure avoidant child has lost hope the caregiver will meet his needs. It happens when the caregiver constantly fails to provide reliable care.
  • An insecure avoidant adult has difficulty to trust other, has desires to be independent, thinks of himself as self-sufficient who does not need close relationships.
• disorganized
  • A disorganized child fears the caregiver, whose who should provide protection and reassurance.
  • A disorganized adult is both in anxious and avoidant.

Through a healthy long-term relationship with a secure person or self-reflection, someone with an insecure attachment type can become secure. The attachment style is called earned secure.

Resources

The Attachment Effect by Peter Lovenheim