Communication

Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a process of communication developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

Rosenberg believes our true nature is to be compassionate. He believes communication through language and words impacts our ability to stay compassionate. NVC is a way of communication that allows our compassion to flourish bringing us in a state of compassion.

The NVC model has four components:

1. Observation: observe what others are saying (or doing) without judging (whether you like it or not)
2. Feelings: recognize your feelings during that observation; How do I feel? Do I feel hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated, angry?
3. Needs: say the needs that create your feelings
4. Requests: express what you want that will enrich your life

The four components should be expressed really clearly with honesty.

When somebody is communicating with us, you have to sense what he observes, feels and needs, and understand the request that will enrich his life. When the NVC goes both ways, it will establish a flow of communication where compassion will arise. The four components should be received with respect and empathy.

Although NVC can be experienced without saying a single word. This is not about language and words but about the consciousness of the four components.

Life-alienating communication are forms of communication that block compassion.

• Moralistic judgment points wrongness out from people that don't have our values. This includes blame, insults, put-downs, labels, comparisons, etc. This traps us in the world of judgement: we judge others and preoccupy ourselves with with what are good and bad, normal or abnormal, etc. In that mode, we communicate with what is wrong with others or ourselves instead of what are their or our needs. This increases defensiveness and resistance among those who, we think, are wrong. And some people who act in harmony with our values out of fear, guilt or shame, may comply with our judgement because they agree with our judgment on their wrongness.
• Making comparisons
• Denial of responsibility obscures our awareness that we are responsible for our feelings, thoughts and actions.
• Demands (unlike requests)

References

Nonviolent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg