Negotiation
The New Rules
Getting to yes with 4 principles
1) separate the person (emotion) from the problem
2) focus on their interest (why they are asking for it) rather than on their position (what they are asking for)
3) work cooperatively to generate win-win solution
4) establish mutually-agreed standards for evaluating those possible solutions
thinking fast and slow
framing effect
prospect theory
loss aversion
Be A Mirror
Late night DJ voice
Don't Feel Their Pain, Label It
Tactical empathy
"That's right" instead of "yes"
- It seems like ...
- It sounds like ...
- It looks like ...
[silence and listen]
If they disagree with the label, "I didn't say that was what it was. I just said it seems like that."
Labelling negatives diffuses them, Labelling positives reinforces them.
Diffuse mistakes/negatives/other people's anger quickly by acknowledging them as soon as possible: "Look, I'm an asshole".
"Best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, [...], label each negative feeling and replace with solution-based thoughts"
accusation audit: list everything your counterpart could say
Beware Yes, Master No
Yes and no are often worthless.
No:
- always alters conversation
- start of the negotiation
- provides protection: protects yourself and let the counterpart more easily consider the possibilities
- frequently temporary
- sought by great negotiators
Give the adversary permission to say "no", then the negotiation environment becomes more constructive and collaborative. Letting the counterpart feel they are welcome to say no has a positive impact.
No may mean: I am not ready yet.
3 kind of yes:
- counterfeit: escape route/keep conversation going
- confirmation: innocent and no promise of action
- commitment: real deal
"Is now a bad time to talk?" that invites a No is better than "Do you have a few minutes to talk"
Sometimes, in order to get the focus of your counterpart, you need to get them say "No".
One way is to say something obviously wrong, like mislabelling his emotion or desire or you can also say something they don't want.. For instance, "you really want to leave your job". They will reply, "No".
"That's right!"
CNU has developed BCSM.
5 stages:
- active listening
- empathy
- rapport
- influence
- behavioural change
Each stage engender more trust.
Get the counterpart says "that is right" before convincing them of anything. It is generally invisible to them.
Use all tactics of active listening:
- Effective Pauses
- Minimal Encouragers: "Yes", "OK", "Uh-huh", "I see"
- Mirroring
- Labeling
- Paraphrase
- Summary: Paraphrase and Labeling that would result in a "That's right."
However, "you're right" is a disaster.
Acronyms
| BATNA | Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement |
| CNU | Crisis Negotiation Unit |
| BCSM | Behavioural Change Stairway Model |
Quotes
- "Never be so sure about what you want"
- "If somebody is talking to you, you got something they want"
Resources
| Chris Voss: "Never Split the Difference" | Talks at Google | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guZa7mQV1l0 |